The May Westside Writers Schmooze talks Location, Location, Location!

On May 9^th, twenty-seven Schmoozers gathered for a discussion on the importance of setting and location at our longtime Schmooze home, the Fairview Branch of the Santa Monica Public Library.

“And what a lovely location the Fairview Branch of the Santa Monica Public Library is for our Schmooze!” co-coordinator Karol feels compelled to interject, as she remembers the previous two or three meeting spots, which were not nearly as comfy and accommodating.

After some announcements – registration for both the SCBWI Summer Conference and SCBWI LA County Working Writers Retreat  are open and filling up! (wait list only for the retreat) – we had a brief recap of Schmoozers’ favorite moments from last month’s SCBWI LA County’s Writer’s Days, which included lots of inspiring speeches and, even better, super-inspiring intensives. Kudos to our bro, (former Schmooze co-coordinator) Lee Wind and the wonderful Sarah Laurence for pulling off a home run on their first at-bat.

Most excitingly – some congratulations were in order:  Our own (co-coordinator) Charlie Cohen and Lupe Fernandez placed in the Writer’s Day contest!  Way to represent, guys!

“Why thank you, Karol,” says Charlie, “I know I speak for Lupe as well when I say WE WUZ ROBBED!!  We shoulda got first place… or BETTER!  Uh, that is… it was so wonderful just to be recognized.”

 During this month’s intros, Schmoozers were invited to mention a setting or location that is of  particular importance in their own manuscripts.  This resulted in a globe-hopping demonstration of the diversity of our group (or at least the diversity of where we’ve set our stories), with books set in Kenya, Hiroshima, the Bahamas, Cuba, Puerto Rico and Texas.  We also had some fun fantasy and fictional settings, including a book that takes place underwater (!) and one in a cool, fictitious town in Oregon. 

One Schmoozer humorously reported that the setting of his book is a crappy, “low rent” fantasy world.  This really excited Charlie as he actually lives in one of those (emotionally anyway).

Ultimately, a wise Schmoozer summed things up beautifully by noting that often the locations we use are amalgams of all the places we’ve lived. To wit, Karol mentioned that her personal familiarity with Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia enabled her to really bring her novel about a young girl who hangs out at a major league baseball stadium to life.

Additionally, longtime Schmoozer Sara Wilson Etienne is on record saying that the very beginnings of her debut novel Harbinger stemmed from her wanting to set a story in the unique location of the college she attended.

Charlie recalled Sara’s advice years earlier to collect pictures of locations that look like your story’s setting and put them on your walls.  He also spoke of trying to find facsimiles of his imagined worlds in real life.  While working on a supernatural story set in Texas, he spent a lot of time biking in the dried out parts of Griffith Park and the Santa Monica mountains.  

One windy day, he was stopped short by a loud ominous, howling sound.  It turned out to be the wind vibrating the high power lines but, for Charlie, it was the thing he’d been waiting for.  That eerie moment really set the tone for his imagined town and his story.  “What a happy accident,” as a certain Mr. Pincus might say.  But of course, Charlie being Charlie, he had to fess up that he then became so enamored of his location, he forgot to populate it with real, breathing characters.  Charlie just can’t abide happy endings. 

So as not to depress everyone even further, Karol quickly opened the floor to a general discussion of location.  She began by focusing on books that are dependent on the cities in which they’re set.  And where better to start but with In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak who, sadly, had just passed away.  Charlie talked about how the book could only have taken place in New York City – albeit a fairly bizarre version of the Big Apple.  Charlie also shared a lovely tribute to Sendak printed in the New York Times.  (Read it HERE.)  Our community of children’s book writers and illustrators had lost a real treasure, and we made sure to take a moment to honor his brilliance.

Other examples of city-specific books included the New York-set Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan, Los Angeles-specific stories by CecilCastellucci (Boy Proof, Beige,) and Francesca Lia Block (Weetzie Bat books, among others), the hardscrabble Hard Pan in The Higher Power of Lucky by Susan Patron and the early days of Philadelphia where Laurie Halse Anderson sets much of her historical middle grade fiction.

We then noted that many children’s books feature That Very Special Place – a location that is not only special to the book’s characters but represents an unfamiliar place which stands to captivate young readers.  The barn in Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White) is a prime example of a setting that becomes special to both Wilbur the pig and the readers of this classic.

Brian Selznick had made great use of special locations in his genre-busting novel-picture book hybrids, using a Paris train station of the 1930s for The Invention of Hugo Cabaret and New York’s American Museum of Natural History in Wonderstruck. In Hugo, Selznick treats readers not only to the hustle and bustle of the train station’s public places, but also to the fascinating “behind the scenes” areas within the walls, where Hugo travels, unseen, tending to the station clocks. Many Schmoozers noted that this was one of the great values of location: taking readers somewhere they’ve never been.



Brian Selznick wove this curiosity, 

a historic panorama of New York City 

from the 1964 World’s Fair, into his 

novel Wonderstruck.

Louis Sachar’s Holes introduces readers to the dismal Camp Green Lake with the short but telling statement that opens the book:  “There is no lake at Camp Green Lake.”   Fans of the book know that the lack of a lake is but the beginning of the long list of unfair things at Camp Green Lake.  In Holes, the unjust camp is the perfect setting for the unjust situation in which protagonist Stanley Yelnats finds himself. 

A sinister school is another oft and effectively-used location for many great kids books, places like the Holbrook Academy from Etienne’s Harbinger, Crunchem Hall Primary School from Roald Dahl’s Matilda, Spence Academy from Libba Bray’s A Great and Terrible Beauty, and the corrupt Catholic prep school from Robert Cormier’s The Chocolate War.

Of course, all schools aren’t sinister.  Some are downright magical, like Hogwarts.  (J.K. Rowling has often said that the real subject of her books was boarding school.)  Try to imagine the Harry Potter series without Hogwarts, and you’ll get a sense of how important setting is – and how great books tend to have great settings.

And when it comes to fantasy – from Narnia to Middle-Earth to Oz to Whoville, setting is almost always an integral part of the story. 

Some books utilize starkly different locales within the same story, which further illuminate character and plot.  Consider the difference between the bleak existence in District 12 vs. the gaudy glitz of the Capitol vs. the treacherous arena where the Hunger Games are played.

After all the talk of fun and fantastical settings, some Schmoozers fretted that their books mainly took place at the homes of their characters, but their fears were quickly put to rest.  Home is where kids find themselves most of the time – but these places can also have plenty of magic to them.  Karol gave the example of the lovely latest middle grade novel by Joanne Rocklin, One Day and One Amazing Morning on Orange Street.  It tells the story of a group of kids, all from the same block, who collectively experience trepidation when an orange cone shows up beside the empty lot where they’ve played their whole lives.  The novel is told through multiple points-of-view, as the kids reveal truths about themselves and slowly unravel the mystery of the orange cone.  When it’s discovered that a beloved tree is in jeopardy, the kids band together to save it.  Here, the setting is completely commonplace – an average block, in an average town – but it’s completely special to the characters and, thanks to Rocklin’s wonderful writing, to the readers as well.

And here’s a bit of Schmooze trivia:  Joanne Rocklin, formerly of the Los Angeles area, was the person who gave our monthly meeting its name.  She was among the early SCBWI pioneers who started our Schmooze, with the meetings being held in the game room of the condo building where she lived at the time.  Joanne got a kick out of hearing folks unfamiliar with Yiddish stumbling when they tried to pronounce the word “schmooze” (it was a much lesser-known term at the time).

Knowing that Joanne is a writer who believes setting is of the utmost importance in books, Karol e-mailed Joanne to get her input on this topic.

Here’s what Joanne had to say:

“Setting affects everything:  dialogue, characters, actions and motivations, plot.  I sort of think of ‘time’ as part of setting, too, i.e. time period.  And once you have your setting, a good place to start thinking about your book, by the way, you get ideas for the story/plot itself.   For example:  I'm starting a new book (starting is the hardest part of the process – so many choices!) and I chose Oakland's rural hills, which have a lot of horse trails.  Not sure why; just because.  I began there.  Then I read something about the equestrian history of the area, and decided to set it in the 50's.  Which made me think of the polio epidemic.  Which made me think of the therapeutic use of horses...you can see how the setting gives ideas.  I believe that ‘details’ are vital to make your work come alive, and once you have your setting, the details are there.  So many manuscripts I've read for kids are kind of ‘blah’ and sound the same, because the beginning authors aren't thinking of settings they really know, or researching the ones they don't.”

With our time waning, we decided to finish with an exercise:  Make a map of your character’s street or another special location in your book.  If you missed the Schmooze, go ahead and try this exercise.  What you will come up with may surprise you!

Bummed you missed out on all the fun?  Then be sure to join us for out next Schmooze – HOW WE LEARNED TO STOP FRETTING AND LOVE THE REWRITE – on Wednesday, June 13^th.  All Schmoozer’s in attendance are invited to share a before-and-after example of a paragraph or passage from your own work that has benefited from revision.

And here's a last little Sendak fun before we sign off....

Keep passing the open windows,

Charlie & Karol

Hollywood Schmooze Critique Night

If you want to see this famous L.A. landmark on your way to the SCBWI Hollywood Schmooze:
Just head East on Wilshire Blvd. past Fairfax Avenue. On the left, you'll see the streets lights
at LACMA (LA County Museum of Art.) Our meeting place is just a few blocks past this spot and  about 5 blocks south. (Not that anyone needs directions anymore with mapquest!)

Last session, about fifteen of us stuck to a tight schedule and provided feedback for 10 minutes each on ten people's work. We accomplished a lot and the format was excellent! Thanks, Rene.

The range of writing being presented (we emailed 5 pages in advance) was remarkable. Great stuff, everyone! There were a few picture books, a few middle grade novels, a few non-fiction pieces and a few YA novels.

And the observations were on target too. I walked out inspired and a bit overwhelmed but very happy to be even to the point in my writing where I could receive such pointed criticism. The suggestions I got were ones I needed to hear -- and  I love that, when you go to a critique session and you hear just what you needed to hear...all the voices inside you that you are trying to ignore, suddenly come alive.

I am not sure if there is much more to say since I can't go into the details about each submitted story, though I would certainly love to. They are all so fantastic and I can't wait to see them in print.

Westside Writer's Schmooze Brings The Funny

Wea Culpa! We apologize for the lateness of this post, but after mercilessly berating you all at the last Schmooze to be sure to read our blog posts, we both became terrified that you actually would! The idea of having an audience froze us in our tracks and it was only the terror of facing you without having done our work that got us moving again.

 Here, then, is… The COMEDY TONIGHT Schmooze Recap:

The evening got started with a little, well, humor –

Charlie: “Hey Karol, how many writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Karol: “(sighs)… I knew you were going to screw up the joke.”

Okay, so after the flubbed opening joke and after Karol’s usual annoying, guilt-inducing announcements of all the really cool and useful and rewarding contests and SCBWI things (check 'em out HERE) that you’re not gonna do, even though you know you should be doing them and that if you were doing them you’d not only feel better but actually be better off, and THIS is why your family is right that you have no discipline and will never amount to anything, but who are they to judge, anyway— half of them are drunks and the other half puritanical self-satisfied prigs—really, it’s enough to make a person take to his bed, and since you’re under the weather like this, how can anyone expect you to go to SCBWI events anyway…

Where were we? Right! After announcements came introductions…and this month we asked Schmoozers to also name a favorite funny book. Man-oh-man, did our “to read” piles grow in the time it took to go around the room. Here’s just a taste of the fabulous funny fiction the Schmoozers mentioned:

• I Am A Genius of Unspeakable Evil/M.T. Anderson
• Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging/Louise Rennison
• Al Capone Does My Shirts/Gennifer Choldenko
• Pete the Cat /Eric Litwin & James dean
• I Was a Teenage Dwarf/Max Shulman
• The Stupids Die/Harry G. Allard Jr. & James Marshall
• Harry the Dirty Dog/Gene Zion & Margaret Bloy Graham
• Me Speak Pretty One Day/David Sedaris
• Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy/Douglas Adams

After the intros, we got down to the business of the night:  comedy.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
—Steve Martin

Charlie began the hilarity by telling the story of putting his dog Andre to sleep. Specifically, he discussed how bad he’d felt and how his pain was relieved by a Louis C.K. bit he’d seen shortly thereafter about the same thing. Charlie argued that for comedy to be really funny, it needs to be rooted in reality and pain. He claimed that Diary of a Wimpy Kid was funny because it was brutally honest about middle school, and that The Office, while often hilarious, was actually the saddest show on television, rooted in broken dreams and lost hope.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
—Erma Bombeck

There was some debate.  Karol led the charge, along with other Schmoozers, asserting that there are plenty of things, like Captain Underpants and Charlie’s own favorite picture book The Silly Book by Stoo Hample, that are funny precisely because they aren’t heavy, or reality based, but are about silliness, lightness, and fantastic juxtapositions. 

Faced with the Schmoozers well-considered rebuttals, Charlie did the sensible, mature thing and changed the subject.

Comedy is very controlling—you are making people laugh.  It is there in the phrase “making people laugh.”  You feel completely in control when you hear a wave of laughter coming back at you that you have caused.         —Gilda Radner

We went on to discuss technical stuff—tropes and tricks to help the comically impaired:

K’s are funny. P’s are funny. H’s and N’s, not so much.

Odd numbers are funnier than even.

Pickles are funny—they have a P and are phallic. In fact, as the room agreed, anything phallic is funny, including phalluses themselves.

The Rule of 3: Three is the smallest number that forms a pattern and, as such, it creates a classic comic rhythm. Almost every joke has its punch on the third beat. Our new resident comedienne pointed out that this extends to comedy acts themselves. Almost every performer has a punch line that is returned to three times to give their act a structure and spine.

Know Where You Put The Punch. It’s important to give the reader a place to laugh; an actual punch. As a rule it’s at the end of sentences, though sometimes writers place it in the middle to make it seem accidental, like found humor. The important thing is to know where you put it.

Don’t put a joke on a joke. Two jokes cancel each other out. If your setup is funny and wacky, you punch line will feel forced. However a wacky setup may be all you need. Witness the scene in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, which describes Charlie’s old grandparents who never rose from bed. There is no specific punch line here, but the scene itself is hilarious.

At this point, Charlie and Karol ran out of things they’d Googled.

I don’t want to gain immortality by my humor.
I want to gain it by not dying.
—Woody Allen

Thankfully, the Schmoozers were in excellent form, with many new attendees (including a very funny comedienne) who added a lot to the evening’s discussion.

Eventually, we got to the really fun part of the night - sharing and deconstructing our favorite funny passages.  Here are some we remember:

 

Karol read from Libba Bray’s Beauty Queens 

and Chris Crutcher's King of the Mild Frontier: 

An Ill-Advised Autobiography.

Charlie read from The Silly Book 

by Stoo Hample.

Another new schmoozer read a hilarious 

bit from I Was A Teenage Dwarf by Max 

Shullman, the writer who created Dobie Gillis.

Longtime Schmoozer Greg Pincus, an author 

himself of a hilarious new ebook, The Late Bird, 

read Crowded Tub by Shel Silverstein (read it here).

Karol also passed on “the 7 different types of humor” (according to Erik Deckers’ Laughing Stalk blog):

Farce: Exaggerated comedy. Characters in a farce get themselves into an unlikely or improbable situation that takes a lot of footwork and fast talking to get out of.

Dark: Humor about the gross, violent, and otherwise depressing things in life; also called Black Comedy (think M*A*S*H). “Gallows Humor” is similar to dark humor, but the victim is the source of the comedy.

Screwball: Humor based on a misunderstanding, such as mistaken identities, taking an overheard piece of conversation out of context, etc.

Slapstick: Physical humor. Lots of pratfalls, falling, being hit on the head, etc.

Parody: People often confuse this with satire, but the two are completely different. Parody mocks or makes fun of an original work of art.

Satire: Satire is basically making fun of or ridiculing human follies and shortcomings, hopefully in the hopes of causing improvement.

Dry: Dry humor is a deadpan style of humor, that not-very-funny joke your uncle the cost analysis accountant tells.

What if you tell a joke in the forest, and nobody laughs?  Was it a joke?
— Steven Wright

That pretty much wrapped up our Comedy Tonight discussion…except wait! We’ve forgotten possibly the most essential comedy element: The Callback.

Charlie: “Hey, Karol. Wasn’t there some question you wanted to ask me?”
Karol: “There was! How many writers dose it take to change a light bulb?”
Charlie: “(haughtily) What is it about the light bulb that you think needs changing?!?”

 

That’s it for us!  

Keep passing the open windows.

Charlie & Karol

April at the Hollywood Schmooze

The Hollywood Schmooze continues to grow! We had a lively Workshop Session in April. 
First: we met new members and shared our writing news.
Next: we discussed some fantastic quotes by Newbery Award winners.
And asked:
What makes the sentences work together and flow?
What gives the paragraph its power?
We agreed:
Emotional connection is key.
Sensory details help us connect.
(I learned about interspersing description with emotional reaction -- sentence by sentence, line by line -- this really moves the story along.)

We agreed to disagree on: which quotes we liked and which we didn't like.
That's why there are so many styles of writing... and so many different kinds of readers.
Our task as writers, we agreed is: To plant seeds, ask compelling questions, and add mystery and suspense.

Paragraphs from our own writing were shared. We read out loud to a quiet room. We received praise and constructive criticism. The writer was meant to listen, but it is difficult not to respond when people are talking directly to you. (A personal suggestion: the group could talk as if the person isn't there there…this may sound weird, but I think it would actually make it easier for the person being critiqued just to sit back and listen.) Nonetheless, the comments were very helpful to all involved. Written comments were also given to the writers who read their work. 

A funny quote from the evening (in response to a question about a character’s hairstyle) -- “If there’s a girl in the book, there’s always a hair thing!”

The writing and comments shared were all outstanding. We are off to a great start this Spring.
See you in May,
Deborah Fletcher Blum

Westside Illustrators Schmooze with Soooz

Join Us! The Westside Illustrators Schmooze
DATE...April 23 ... 7-9pm
WHERE... 445 15th Street Santa Monica CA 90402
TOPIC... "I Did It MY Way" ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
and 'open mike Q & A' for general info...

Our TOPIC is inspired by our last schmooze when Kat brought in
2 books... the same folk tale, fairy tale or fable ... but illustrated by 2 or more different artists!
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find examples
of this fascinating phenomena... the more the better.
A great way to do this is to find some tales at home and look
for matches at your local library...

'Interpretation' is the name of the game...
There are soooo many ways to skin a poisoned apple!
Mad fun for both writers AND illustrators!

Please "LIKE" the 'Westside Illustrators' on FACEBOOK
and RSVP at the EVENTS page... or email SuzyBlock@gmail.com

xoxo Suzy Engelman Block... Coordinator

CHARLIE & KAROL’S ULTIMATE WESTSIDE WRITERS NOVEL CRITIQUE SCHMOOZE RECAP

Chapter 1 – Schmooze Week

Crap, crap, crap.

That’s the only word I can come up with to describe:

A. What I’ve gotten done on my novel in the last month, even though I totally knew the once-annually novel critique Schmooze was coming up

***and***

B. The projected quality level of whatever pages I can slap together to bring to the March Schmooze, AKA Wednesday night, AKA three days from now, AKA – CRAP!

How am I supposed to bring something super-impressive when I’ve only got three days left? I mean, I have a reputation to uphold. I totally wowed my tables at the past two novel-critique Schmoozes. What if this time around, all I can be is (gulp) decent?

Breathe. Now – think: What do I need to do to solve this dilemma?

I know, a list. I’ll make a list of the million-and-two things I need to do to clear my head, my desk, my schedule. Yeah, that’ll help. THEN I can write.

Chapter 2 – Lovin’ these critique schmoozes. Nothin’ to ‘em. Got my HIGH-larious Dalton Trumbo letter (that I read a couple years ago at Lee and Rita’s first critique Schmooze, but who’s gonna remember that?), got my same middle grade novel pages that I’ve brought in the past three years (that I really should be rewriting as there IS in fact an editor interested, but hey, maybe the yakity yak at the table’ll put a fire under my ass) and I got my super cool personality that will ease me through the whole thing without breaking a sweat. Don’t know why Karol was so hyped up on the phone; that chick needs a chill pill. Must be hard to be one of the smart kids; always having something to prove. …yawn. Think I’ll grab another beer and sun myself in the yard. Maybe piss in the bushes behind the garage. Get myself a total tan!

Chapter 3 – Schmooze Morning

CCrrrrrrrraaaaaaaappp! HOW did I let this happen?? No seriously, HOW?

I haven’t done any writing – zip, zilch, zero. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I did put in, like, an hour, two days ago. I trimmed a bunch of fat from my scene, wrote out the part I came up with for the very ending and sort of fixed the beginning. There’s just that Gaping Hole between the opening and the end to deal with, and there’s still at least 862 items on my to-do-before-I-can-possibly-even-think-about-maybe-trying-to-write list.

I need to look over my list and prioritize. Maybe there’s some stuff that doesn’t absolutely have to be done pre-writing session. Like, straighten my pajama drawer. Heck, that’s been a mess for two years. It can wait. Play Angry Birds for two hours. Whoops. Forgot to cross that one off. Whew! Nice to see I’ve accomplished something!

Chapter 4 (smacking lips) …hmm. Awesome looking day outside. Ought to swing by Melrose for some Maui Wowie (or Country Chronic if they’re out of Maui again, but really, if they are, I’m gonna start taking my patronage elsewhere), bike up to dirt, maybe head out to the Hub, far from the “federalies” and blow a stick to welcome in spring. …was there something else I had to do today? …whatever.

Chapter 5 – Schmooze Afternoon

One hour to write. Great, just great. What happened to my whole, freakin’ day? Stupid day job! Stupid Facebook! Stupid need to shower!

I shut off the music, the Internet, the cat.

(OK, I don’t “shut off” the cat. I tell him to get off my desk. He ignores me, so I insist he get off my desk. He hisses at me. So I grab the package of kitty treats and lure him off my dang desk.)

Cat on floor, fingers on keyboard…come on, Magic!

I write. For the whole hour, plus a little more. I solve some problems. I have an inspiring idea or two. I enjoy hanging out with my characters. Then I print.

No time to even staple my sets of pages. I fly out the door – you know, not literally or really even physically in terms of speed, but emotionally and spiritually, I fly, baby, I fly.

Chapter 6 Can’t believe the cell worked all the way at the hub. Man, that Karol sounded FREAKED. Really rained on my buzz. Probably a good thing though: I’d’a never made it home in time for the ol’ Schmoozerino tonight. Who knew it was this week? Time, man… know what I mean? Anyway, I gotta admit it’s a little disconcerting that it’s tonight rather than, you know, 7 days from tonight but, hey, … uh… forgot what I was gonna say. No worries though: Got my crap, got my little pages, and I’m ready for the G-L-O-R-Y! Was it Patti Smith of Van Morrison who sang that one?

Chapter 7 – The Drive

Radio blaring, singing at the top of my lungs. That’s how I roll.

I’m beautiful in my way, ‘cause God makes no mistakes. I’m on the right track, baby. I was bo-rn this way…

Sigh. I just love getting my Gaga on during the drive down to Santa Monica. If ONLY I’d left at 6:10, like I’d planned (see: previous “no-time-to-even-staple” chapter). Then maybe I wouldn’t be so panicked about getting there on time.

Just my luck…the crip space behind the library’s open – SWEET!

I’m here. I made it. It’s Novel Critique Schmooze Night! WAH-HOO!!!

…OMG…what if people aren’t staggeringly impressed with my pages?

Chapter 8 Kinda hard to find a space. Lot of folks tonight. Hmm. Wonder if I should’a looked at those pages… Or at least figured out how much of the Trumbo thing to read. Are two single-spaced pages long? Karol would’a probably read it beforehand and timed herself. Ha! LOOOOOOSER! Ah, I got nothin’ to worry about; I’m one of the co-freaking-coordinators for God sakes. And dig my belly tan.

Chapter 9 – Your Typical Pre-Schmooze Madness

Yeah, so, good crowd on hand, maybe 30 people. I go to grab my midnight snack from the goodies table. Man! There's that brownie pie thing again! Don’t mind if I do!

Well, I’m ready, but Charlie’s still running around like a chicken without its chicken hat. I ready my highly important and detailed list of SCBWI announcements, snap the paper a couple times to see if Mr. Clueless is paying attention.

It takes a few more snaps…and a couple ahems…and then I just glare at him a little…and FINALLY he’s back and we can start.

Chapter 10 …wow, these pages from my ms sure seem bloated. When did that happen? Wonder if there’s time to line out all the boring crap on all the copies while Karol is yammering on about SCBWI stuff—ah man, probably don't have time. No worries: I got Dalton to save my ass. However bad my pages are, they’ll eat that stuff up.

Chapter 11 – S.N.A.R.K.Y. – In That Good Way

Time to revisit the fabulous SNARKY acronym for the suggested critique method that we came up with (and by we I mean me or rather I…except for the K, which was all Charlie because I’d basically forgotten there’s a K in “snarky” – my bad).

Where was I? Oh, yeah, creating a safe, nurturing environment, so Schmoozers don’t go running out of the library in tears, never to write again…blah, blah, blah.

Making art is a tough road, people!

Charlie’s up next with a scathingly funny letter written by Dalton Trumbo to his pal, Ring Lardner, describing for Ring the various soul-crushing ways he’s about to critique Ring’s manuscript.

Hoo-boy! Fun-NEE! The Schmoozers are eating it up!

Hmm…I think he may be losing them… Great, end of the page.

OMG. He’s reading page 2.

Chapter 12 Man… not sure if that took forever or if it just seemed that way when everyone stopped laughing in the middle of paragraph 2. Should’a stopped before 3. And I really don’t know why I went on to 4. Bad enough without Sara’s crack that I terrified everyone. You could tell they all agreed. They love her so much. With her purple hair. And her not-being-old. She’s always had it in for me. I hate her.

Chapter 13 Our First Ever (We Think) Super-Awesome Schmooze Raffle (that I completely screw up)

SO exciting! Everyone’s written their names on slips of paper that will go into a hat, and then our very own celebrity debut author, Sara Wilson Etienne is going to pick out the winner - who gets an autographed copy of Sara's book, Harbinger. I’ve loved this idea ever since I came up with it a couple months ago.

Charlie hits each table, collecting entries. Sara’s in position, ready to to pluck out the winning name. I position my camera and….CRAP! Why isn’t my camera working?? WHY?!

I realize it’s still on video mode from when I recorded an adorable video of my cat not getting off the desk when I asked him to.

I get it back on still mode, but I’m too late.

I miss the moment entirely.

…like I’m back at high school and that really cute boy I’ve been crushing on, who’s so completely out of my league that it’s dumb for me to even be crushing on him at all, asks me for help with his Spanish homework, and I say yes because it means I’ll get to hang out with him for a few hours, even if he’s really only into my weird ability to memorize Spanish vocabulary, and we end up having a really fun time, laughing and looking up dirty phrases in my Spanish dictionary and he mentions that some classic Pedro Almodovar movie's playing at the local art house theater that weekend and we should go, and for a moment, for just one fleeting moment in time, I consider saying, “yeah, sure” all casual, like it's No Big Deal that he basically just ASKED ME OUT, but before I can get the words out of my mouth, his cell chimes with a new text message and then he forgets all about the movie, and I miss the moment entirely.

Damn you stupid, fleeting moments-in-time!

When I eventually snap out of my disappointment, I see that Charlie’s already at his table, and he and the other table leaders are getting started. So I grab a seat at my designated table, bringing my dejection with me.

And as luck would have it – or maybe the Universe plans it this way – I end up sitting with the proud winner of Our First Ever (We Think) Super-Awesome Schmooze Raffle, Penelope, and she graciously poses with her prize.

We launch into Official Critique Mode and – WOW – everybody’s material is so interesting and different and special. Even my last-minute-not-even-stapled pages go over pretty well, and my tablemates have some way-helpful feedback for me. Very cool!

Chapter 14 That wasn’t so bad. They all caught the bloated part, of course. But they caught a lot of other, deeper stuff too that I hadn’t even noticed. And it was stuff that fits in with the stuff that editor said about reworking the book so, that’s good, I guess. Only bad thing was they all seem to think I could make it into something really good which I guess means I’ll have to actually work on the thing. Rats.

The other drag was how good their stuff was. Some was, like, publishing-ready-good. That kinda’ pissed me off, actually. Who brings stuff that good to a critique night? I mean, the idea of a critique night is to bring stuff that needs to be better, right? Not stuff that’s perfect—ahh, screw it. Next year, I’m gonna show ‘em. I’m gonna do some actual polishing before critique night. Heck, maybe I’ll even bring something new! I’ll be as much of a nerd as Karol. Guess it’s like ol’ Billy said: “Writing doth make nerds of us all.”

So off to Swingers, the secret party everyone knows about, where all the cool kids go to eat after the Schmoozes. I was a little worried that they’d shove me to one of the ancillary single-person tables after the whole Trumbo thing, but Karol invited me to sit right by her like it never happened. Sara even talked to me… guess she’s alright. Guess they’re all alright.

For a bunch of word-nerds.

Epilogue: The Drive Home

Speeding down the 10 toward home, my mood is more Bruno Mars than Gaga.

Oh, you know, you know, you know I’d never ask you to change.

If perfect’s what you’re searching for, then just stay then same.

Ah, perfection. Even if my pages aren’t perfect…yet, this year’s Novel Critique Schmooze sure was!

Man, I gotta pee like a race-horse. Soon as I get home, I’m racing behind that garage and: MOON-TAN, DUDE!!!

The End

Well, THAT was fun! Hope to see you all at the next Schmooze - Wednesday, April 18th. Our topic's COMEDY TONIGHT, so come prepared to share a few paragraphs from your favorite funny book, and together, we'll try to figure out how the writer made it so darn funny.

Keep passing the open windows,

Charlie & Karol